Clown Tear Junkies by Douglas Hackle
4 out of 5 Stars
Within the whacked-out worlds of these twisted tales, only one thing remains the same:
Everything is better when laced with the tears of a clown…
When a sexually adventurous couple decides to spice things up by bringing bees into the mix, they learn it’s never wise to dial 811 in case of an emergency. A deadbeat dad gains employment as a lady-in-waiting in a fairytale bromance where every character looks exactly like someone else from John Carpenter’s The Thing. The unknowing victim of a cruel prank, a simpleton spends his entire life waiting on a park bench for the hottest girl in school. Using only his twenty-sided die and good old-fashioned D&D magic, a man must continually resurrect the neighborhood kid regularly murdered on his own front lawn. An aging slaughterhouse worker and the iconic figure from Edvard Munch’s The Scream hit the clubs every weekend in a vain attempt to get laid.
These and many more absurdities await in Clown Tear Junkies, the debut collection from Douglas Hackle.
My mind is blown. Literally. It needs a new fuse -sleep- before I can absorb any other information without twisting it into a Douglas Hackle tale.
This read is like those psychedelic colors on that new Scooby-Doo show that zoom in, out, rotate, and play Jedi mind tricks on your brain.
I have never read anything like this. The characters in these stories were so freakin’ far beneath/beyond normal stupidity that you can’t help but feel sorry for them, root for them, or in my case, laugh at them uproariously with donkey-like guffaws. Did that makes sense? It doesn’t matter because it’s okay to be weird when you’ve consumed the clown tears in-between these pages.
There were lots of movie references that endeared me even more to these stories. One of my favorites being; The Thing. The Jeepers Creepers tidbit gets an honorable mention.
I learned new words. That’s always a bonus when a writer teaches you something new. One of those words is “sterd.” No, I’m not telling you. You’ll have to get the book to find out.
Once you read these stories you’ll know; your grandpa is your daddy, dialing 811 will hurt you bad, how to resurrect your loved ones, why your ID needs an ID, what it takes to be Irish, and how a backslash can kick your ass.
There’s mention of a big blue di*k that the reader can suck on if something is not to their liking. Hopefully, you’ll down some clown tears, relax, and enjoy this read for what it is…weird.
*An Arc of this read was given to me for an honest review*